Dumbledore's Glasses
by RandomTopic
Summary: Daily Prophet Breaking News! Dumbledore has died due to falling over a stick after his glasses were stolen on a battlefield! Does not follow HBP. Now with Voldemort's contact related death!
1. Dumbledore's Glasses

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP. I** **own the Ekuiqurant. And Nayan Yayuko. (I didn't check if that name means anything, so if it does, tell me. Especially if the meaning is something inappropiate.)**

**Warning: Character death, does not follow HBP.**

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**Daily Prophet**

_**The Change of the Tide in the Second War**_

_By Nayan Yayuko_

_Tuesday 12, May_

Albus Dumbledore is a great, wise man. He has lived through much turmoil in Great Britain, and yet he continues to guide us.

It should be noted that as of yesterday, the present tense format of the above paragraph is now incorrect. For you see, Albus Dumbledore has died.

He had been leading us to victory in a battle against Voldemort. Wand in hand, he stupefied countless Death Eaters and protected his allies with a mere flick of the wrist. When Voldemort's number decreased, the unharmed follower of Voldemort snuck up to their group. She pretended Light wizards progressed forward, and quickly the battle was won.

However, while the Light was celebrating, a stray follower of Voldemort's crept on their group. Once the vile witch had secured a place she could easily run away from the group, she used the Summoning Charm to bring Dumbledore's glasses to her. And then with the glasses in hand, she left, Apparating when she left the wards.

Typically, she was chased by the Light wizards. In fact, all of them wanted to help their beloved leader. So all left, leaving Dumbledore as blind as an Ekuiqurant in daylight. The field was littered with bodies, branches, and objects that were transfigured during the battle.

Understandably, Dumbledore did not like being left in the open in the battlefield, whether the battle had ended or not. So he attempted to find his way to a covered area, only to trip on Mad-Eye Moody's fallen wand.

He fell, his skull bashing against the hard, steel like branches of a willow tree, killing him. Dumbledore was found fifteen minutes later, by Ministry wizards who had intended to tell him they could not find the Dark Witch who stole his glasses.

Authorities are still searching for the Dark Witch, to bring her to trial.

Dumbledore's funeral will be held at Hogwarts, Sunday 17th, in June. It will be public.

Note: There is a chance some facts have been embellished or made from fiction.

Ekuiqurant is a nocturnal, hawk-like creature which is blind in daylight and melts when burnt.

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**This might be continued. I'll probably make other Daily Prophet reports on the dramatic death of Harry Potter and the unbelievably pathetic death of Voldemort.**


	2. Contacts

**Disclaimer: I wish, oh, how I wish, I owned the Harry Potter books. But I only own the copies. Pity me.**

**Death Eater News**

_**Contacts**_

_By Adroc Alfmoy_

The Dark Lord is dead!

It was a normal Death Eater meeting. The Dark Lord called us in for the usual; kill Potter, kill muggles, and for Wormtail to stop chewing on the table legs.

He was pacing, upset with how Potter foiled all of his schemes, even now that Dumbledore died in such a humiliating way. Recently, he has found a way to make little, pink, fuzzy sprites to follow all of us around, which is the reason why there may be pink glitter on this article.

Our Death Eater hideout is made of stone. Like a castle, but much smaller for obvious reasons. We all exchange the chore duties every week. It just so happened to be Goyle's turn to wax the stone floor and to change any section which have cracked due to torturing, maiming, interrogating and Wormtail.

It is very understandable Goyle missed a crack in the floor. We were all gathered on the floor and Voldemort was pacing, and tripped on the crack protruding from the floor.

So his red contacts fell out in the fall, and couldn't see a thing. He stumbled backwards, attempting to regain his lost dignity, and tripped right over a sleeping Nagini. She bit him because she was startled.

The Dark Lord died of blood loss after an hour. (1)

Marked Death Eaters have also died of blood loss due to the connection or the Dark Mark. I am lucky I am not one of them.

The war has ended. The Light Side won because The Dark Lord's pet killed him.

**(1) Remember in the fifth book Mr. Weasley was bitten by a snake whose venom kept his wounds open. I imagine that would be Nagini, and Voldemort wouldn't care enough to create an antidote or, if he did, he wouldn't share it with his minions.**

**Short, but who said articles had to be long? And I don't agree with anyone who believes they have to be long.**

**Unscramble the name to figure out who wrote this...can't be that hard.**


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